To outward
appearances, Nigella Lawson has things all figured out: she runs her own media business,
has a successful publishing career, and makes frequent public appearances looking
impossibly glamorous. She’s everything that an ambitious woman is meant to
aspire to be. And, it emerged on Sunday, she also appears to be a victim of
domestic violence.
At first, the
images published by the People were
shocking, as you’d expect of any depiction of violence against women. But then
we started to think about what happened, started to ask questions, and a more
insidious suspicion took root: the casual and callous way in which Charles
Saatchi laid hands on his wife in public led some commentators to suggest that
this wasn’t his first attack on her.
For him to so
brazenly attack Nigella in full view of both passers-by and fellow Scott’s
patrons, without trying to conceal or disguise his actions, implied much about
the dynamic of their relationship.
Witnesses told the newspaper that Nigella had attempted to placate her
husband by speaking reassuringly and kissing him on the cheek; many readers
will be able to identify this as the classic response of a woman threatened by
her spouse.
But Nigella
doesn’t fit the traditional profile of a victim of domestic abuse: she has
economic independence, makes regular trips overseas on business, and presumably
does not lack the resources to move away from her abuser. So, we wonder, why
does she stay? A 1998 study[1] reported
by Psychology Today may provide some answers: “Emotional abuse plays a vital role in
battering, undermining a woman's confidence.”
While it
seems that Nigella and women like her have sufficient self-esteem and personal
agency to succeed in business and personal endeavours, their intimate
relationships are far less clear-cut. What the events of this weekend
demonstrate beyond anything else is that even independent, capable women can be
bullied and manipulated into accepting physical and verbal attacks that, for
whatever reason, they won’t or can’t walk away from.
The emotional
manipulation used by abusers is well-documented and wholly discomforting; their
victims are isolated from friends and family, deprived of the resources that
would help them escape, and worn down to such a low ebb that they accept
violence they would never have tolerated previously. In the case of successful
or high-profile women, their visibility might discourage them from seeking
help; the gap between their private and public personas might seem so great
that to report being abused feels like admitting a weakness.
At the time
of writing, the UK press is reporting that the police are investigating Charles
Saatchi following the publication of these images. Saatchi may later face
charges; in spite of his wealth, it seems unwise for him to pursue a libel case
when the evidence is so damning. It’s inappropriate to conjecture on the future
of Charles and Nigella’s marriage – perhaps she will remain with him in spite
of public condemnation of his actions.
If nothing
else, we can hope that the story – so shocking when presented against a backdrop
of middle-class media comfort – inspires other women to seek advice and
assistance if they find themselves in similar situations. This week, like every
week, two women in the UK will die at the hands of their violent partners. This
week, like every week, all women deserve better.
